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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

December 23rd, 2009, 08:12 pm admin Leave a comment Go to comments

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

“It’s A Festivus Miracle!”

Today is Festivus. In accordance with tradition, I submit my 2009 list for the Airing of Grievances. The following have disappointed me over the past year:

>> President Obama, for not enacting my agenda fast enough.

>> Olympia Snowe, for hanging up when history called.

>> John McCain and Sarah Palin, for being the whiniest losing presidential ticket ever.

>> The traditional media, for another year of quoting politicians, “experts” and spokespeople without asking the fundamental question: “Are they speaking the truth, or am I being played for a sucker?” Too many times the answer is: Like a Tootsie Pop.

>> Whoever felt it was necessary to take from us this year: Walter Cronkite, Ted Kennedy, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, Bea Arthur, Michael Jackson, Corazon Aquino, Henry Gibson, Mary Travers, Farrah Fawcett, John Hughes, Andrew Wyeth, and our 21 year-old cat.

>> Teabaggers, for achieving with ignorance and venom in the public square what a two-year-old achieves with creamed corn in his diaper.

>> Family values titans Tiger Woods, John Ensign and Mark Sanford, for thinking with the wrong head.

>> Credit card companies that skirt new federal regulations and charge 80 percent interest.

>> Joe Lieberman, walking proof that backstabbers and liars do, indeed, prosper. Remember that, kids!

>> Dick Cheney, for not going fishing more often.

>> Wall Street barons, for returning to their greedy, greedy ways and not even having the decency to pick the confetti out of their hair and the caviar out of their teeth before they tell us how grateful they are to us for bailing them out.

>> Compromises that seem to only extract concessions from the left.

>> The 53 percent of Maine voters who repealed our gay marriage law and proved that we are, in fact, not a “live and let live” state.

>> All the two-faced “concernvative” citizens and pundits who are nitpicking things Obama is doing that Bush also did but they never nitpicked him for those things, did they? Noooooooooo, they most certainly did not.

>> God, for not coming down here and straightening out this mess of a planet. She’s dating another universe, isn’t she?

To them I say…

“I HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!”

Cheers and Jeers starts in There’s Moreville… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]


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